They ask me why? Why I want to write? Why I want to be writer? I cannot answer that. I really do not know. I only know that I write all my life. I love writing. I enjoy it. It is something that makes me better. Writing inspires me more, and fulfills me. Usually many cannot understand it. Especially here in Bosnia. It is just not good enough. It is only for fools who do nothing with their lives. So I became one of those fools. Even if I work full time job and studying. I never fail an exam on college, and after all I have time to write. Actually I do not have time. I find time. Because writing is something more and deeper. It is inseprable part of my soul. I will survive everything, but if someone takes this from me, it would be my end. Death or no writing, it is pretty same to me. So I would never give up on this, no matter what anyone says.
I know, I cannot earn with this, especially here. It is just a fact, and you just need to accept it. Faster, the better. But, sometimes, you can grab a dollar or something. It is not a big amount, but it is fine, for beer or two. However, I want to be happy, and it is really my joy. No one should be asking any dumb questions. But people love to know what other do, also they love to destroy others dreams. Because they do not have their own. I work, because this will not pay my bills and buy me food. This will not help me at all, but there is something bigger and more important. It is not all about money and earning. And humans just do not want to realize that. We live in really sick society. We only want money, cars, houses. And what about us? Do we want to be happy, to be satisfied? I do not know, it seems like we want all of that, but we are doing something wrong. Actually many things.
In Bosnia everyone expects something of you. Your neighbors want to control your life. They think they can decide what will you do. They want to know everything what is happening in your life, so they can go gossiping. Well, it is not funny at all. They think I am crazy, because here in our country if you have good grades, you should be economist or lawyer. Yeah, they are good interest, but for those who really want to do that in their lives. Who enjoy it. Not for me. I can do that to. But I just do not want to. I have different view of this life, of this world. I do not depend on anyone. I am doing everything by myself. And believe me, it is to hard. Sometimes I just want to give up all. You just cannot take it anymore. Next second you just continue. There is no other option. You must carry on.
Here it is a craze to be a writer. Also a blogger. For me it is very funny. I do not care what they think about. Right now I am preparing my first book for publishing. Because here we have only few publisher, who will not publish my work, I decided to publish it online, as an e-book. It is pretty popular all over the world. Here is not. Because here people do not know how to use this new technologies. Even if they do, they are a bit scared. It is not for our mentality. Of course I agree that is better when you feel paper in hands, and those funny smell of old book. It is really better. It has soul. This e-book version, honestly, they do not have those kind of soul, but when you have no other options, it will do just fine. I hope one day I would publish a real book. But for now it could be only a dream.
A lot of people I know tried to explain me why this is not for me. And not just for me, but for everyone. I am thankful. Because they show me that I need to do that. Even their intentions were opposite. It helped me to realize some things, and to become much stronger. After all that, I decided to continue. Reason for that is pretty much simple. No matter what they said, or anyone said, I just need to do things that I want to do. It is my life. It is my happiness. So I will write until I die. Because it was hard to publish my e-book at begging, I decide to start a blog. It is not so different. Of course I do not write about same topics here and in my book, but still this is a good practice. And this makes me cheerful. Everyday I get new feedback, and good ones. It really means a lot. People are reading this blog, like it. Everyday there are more and more views. Hope it would also happen with my book. But I cannot know it now for sure.
Only I can know now and what I am sure about, it is that can make your life a bit different. No one can control your life or make you to do something you do not like. Everyone has chance, just find it and use it. Do not wait to long. It is one time thing. If you love something you can find time for that. No excuses. Of course it would be hard, but isn’t? I would like to have something in my life that was not hard to get. But it is impossible. So just accept it and try a bit. After all we are be just fine. Now, I need to finish my book, and to write few more articles for my blog and for others. I enjoy it. I love this, let say a job. Even I have real job, that I do not like so much. After that I am tired exhausted, but this make me better in just a one second. Try it sometimes.