You know how everybody had used to tell us that being strong is one of the best qualities that person can have. And partly it is true. Imagine you fail on your exam and broke into tears in front of everyone, or flip out because you can not get a day free from work and you wanted to go on that soccer game so badly. You're 21 and you're acting like a spoiled rat, what a looser. But you are tough and you would not allow this to happened to you. So,when some unsatisfying situation hits you, you stop for a second, breathe in, breathe out couple of times and just let it go. Yeah, sure, you will deal with it somewhere private when you are alone, just like they taught you, but for now you are ok and there stops everything. The question that lot of people forget to ask themselves is – Am I really OK?
Deal with problems later
This is definitely a useful technique to overcome some situations, but the main problem about it is generalization. We generalize and simplify everything but we can not see that this brings more harm than good. Dealing with problems later works for those minor situations where you can not loose your cool and being patient in that moment can save you from hours of regretting, situations like those I mentioned in first paragraph. The thing is, not every life situation is like this. Oh no, not even a 10%. So what to do with the rest of it? Lately I have been seeing a lot of people acting like this whole time. Trying to be concrete-strong and not showing emotions when something disturbs you so bad. I even noticed it with myself. But why people keep doing this to themselves? Do they hate themselves? Are they masochists? No and no. They have been taught like that. When you are young people around you are teaching you to be strong, breathe, leave it, sleep on it, but also, when you are young your problems are small so this works in that moment. But, unfortunately, you can not be a child forever. One day you have to grow up and deal with some serious problems and if you do not know anything else but that, oh boy, you are in trouble. There will be leftovers of every single problem you ever faced, and those little but significant particles will be stored somewhere deep, and before you noticed it you will be sucked into a vortex that you have unintentionally made. This process is slow and invisible and that is why it is so dangerous and it leads to depression in a blink of an eye.
Leave me alone
So, if we do not have energy or we do not want to deal with problem in instant and we can not leave it for later, question is what to do than? Well there is no much philosophy behind this, just erase words LEAVE and DEAL and you will get the answer. It is perfectly fine to say I CAN NOT from time to time. There is nothing bad in this short but effective sentence, no matter how others try to correlate this with weakness. Actualy it is totally opposite, cause it is much more brave to show that vulnerability and admit to yourself that you are just a human being and you are not almighty. So what if I want a day off from everything? Is that a sing that I am a weak or I am just taking care of myself and my mental healt. Everyday rush, people, collage, job, traffic are sources of stress. We deal with humongousamount of streess on a daily base and it is totally fine and kind a logical that we just walk away sometimes. Just like that walk away from everything, in silence, without drama, in peace. Peace, that is probably the biggest luxury we want to afford. In order to achieve this inner peace, sometimes we have to isolate ourselves from everything and everyone. This is not a regular everyday situation, those are rare moments that happended once in a while. There is no accurate definition of these situations but you will recognize them when you face them. Those are moments when you feel that you have reached your limits in terms of toleration and patience. When you experienced this one word can be a triger of strong reactions so it is perfectly fine, and perfectly brave and normal just to say I can not.
I can not
I can not deal with bad weather that is ruining my new hair cut. I can not deal with your 13th breakup with your lousy boyfriend. I can not keep listening my boss yelling. I can not pretend I like that horrible T-shirt just because you like it. I can not be somebody else. I can not be on a class today. I can not and frankly I do not want to. And why would I? Today is day reserved for me. Today I do not deal with problems, I do not leave them for later, today I just do not accept them. Today I feel I reached my maximum and there is no place for anything and anyone else. That button of loving and caring person which is always on today will be off for at least couple of hours. I'am going to give all my attention to myself. It might sound arrogant and selfish, but trust me it's not. It is normal way of keeping yourself mentally healthy.
So next time you find yourself head over heels in anger or in any other negative emotion which is taking control over you, remember it is not cowardly to step away, and you will not be any stronger if you stay and decide to ''deal'' with that. Put yourself in number one of priorities on list and you will see how everything is changing. Once when you brake that learned pattern of dealing with emotions and find one that works for you the best, you will be happier person. Give yourself a break. Excuse me world but today I just can not.